Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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