I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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