I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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