How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
