She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
