remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
