How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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