could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
