bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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