Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
