so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
