Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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