Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im holly from the hills drunk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
