I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
