There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
