is your mom at the bar?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
