I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
