five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
