Got a toothbrush?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh god it's open bar.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
