I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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