I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's great music for shaving your balls
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
