Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
