I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize