I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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