you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
