mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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