If i come over, it means nothing
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
