...so i touched it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
