well you can't waste a boner
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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