It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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