Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
