so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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