she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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