she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You're like the curious george of whores
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
