I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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