Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
