just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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