if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
