hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
