dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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