it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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