So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
