it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
