Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
