Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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