Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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