Cold hands, warm shart.
i just google imaged poop.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
