Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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