Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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