watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
