allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
