I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
