Swine flu. Run for my life!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pants are for mortals
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
