Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
