now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
