We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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