I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
