Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
