Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
