Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
