i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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