Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
