He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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