Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
