How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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