just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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