hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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